Something I hate to admit.

Friends come and go as they please.
Sometimes I just find this hard to accept.

A hole in my heart.

There was a time I yearn so much to be closer to you.
I felt your presence. I felt your love. I felt your blessings.
It was a joy to praise & worship you.

Now that I am ever so far away from you.
You are still guiding me somehow. I know it. I feel it.
Assuring me you're always there & ready to welcome me back in to your arms.

But things are not the same right here right now..
And I just don't know how I can be that very same person as I used to be.

There's no care from you

I'm starting to feel comfortable where I'm at.
Not sure if it's a good sign or not.....
Well my colleagues @ HSBC are surprisingly nice & fun to hang out with.
As the saying goes, 'Never judge a book by it's cover'.
Did I tell you my boss is a really a very sincere kind hearted man?
In fact, he's quite charming in some way.
Time shall reveal where I stand in the company.. soonish at the end of the yr.

Been putting on a lot of weight. Which totally sucks. :(
Working from the desk, makes you eat like crazy.
Also, been burying a lot of unwanted feelings.
Thus explains the excessive eating. Sighs.
Food makes me happy. They are just so comforting.
I know bad excuse.....

I so need to stop procrastinating.
And start doing the things I crave to do.
Someone told me this, 'What's the point of thinking so much, when you don't put it to action?'
Made a lot of sense. But girls are girls. We like to think think think think think!
Right. I think I've blabbered enough.
Goodnight.

I miss your presence somehow. :(

pms status alert

Yes, I totally agree on what yoda says.
Fear leads to Hurt.
Hurt leads to Anger.
Anger leads to Hate.
Hate leads you to the dark side. LOL.

Am currently now in the anger to hate stage.
I should have never started out that path. Seriously.

Note to self: I am in pms status.

Procastination

I landed myself a job.
Hopefully I'd be converted to a perm in 3 months time.
I am suppose to feel relieved & satisfied.
But I'm not.
All I'm feeling is I'm going to miss lazing around at home.
No more late mornings, tv shows & outings in the afternoons.
Sighs.

The minutes that haunts me

I admire those who sleep within seconds.
It's like 1 2 3...zZzzz. Think Madagascar's Melman the giraffe.

Here's the scenario.
My body is tired from being a couch potato.
My mind however is zooming with millions of thoughts & feelings.

Flashbacks. Memories which brings me sadness, pain , low self esteem, etc.
The 'What if' moments never fail to appear. Or rather the many things which I regret......
And then, there are the 'Worries'. Top of the list is 'Get a job now'.
To add on, the 'What's wrong with me?' kind of questions starts popping up like crazy.

That night I am put to the test. This intense period where I start closing my eyes shut with the comfort of my bolster, breathing in harder than usual, drawing the image of the thought that has been placed in mind before me.

I get so scared & panicky sometimes, that some nights I just feel like running away from all these issues.

The funny thing is, I want to talk to someone about all those thoughts. But by the time I am awake the next morning, I am totally blank. I can't seem to remember what are the things bothering me. And then it's back again by night. It's like a vicious cycle.

Some days I'm lucky. The thoughts are of Happiness, Love, Laughter. Bad days are definitely more than lucky days.

But one thing for sure, I seriously have a huge problem with myself.

Kate Spade.

I've set my eyes on a new wallet.
Previous wallet was a gift from the girls from fossil.
So far, these 2 really caught my attention.
And I really like em both. sighs.

Wallet #1

Kate Spade Westbury Lisa. White.



This is the inside of it. Loved the vertical stripe pattern.
The whole wallet is leather material.
Like that it's simple & white.

Wallet #2

Kate Spade Lincoln Road Lisa. White.


This wallet is patented. Really need to take care of it.
Can't lay around newspapers & magazines.
I like the metal plate of the brand Kate Spade there.

Hmmm.. Which one should I choose?